I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
