"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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