when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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