I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
