i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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