my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
