I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
