I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
