Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
