I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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