I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
