Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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