he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
