I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
