one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
