hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
