I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
