he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
