I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
