Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
