Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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