I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
