i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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