Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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