Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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