We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
