Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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