We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
