So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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