he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
