All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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