it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
