This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
