new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
