theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
