I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
