My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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