his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
