yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
