I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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