Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
