Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
