You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was born a porn star she said
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
