Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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