In America we eat man semen.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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