If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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