See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
