How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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