I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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