i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
