I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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