watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
