He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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