im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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